Wednesday, November 08, 2006

ManTits

There is a curious thing I have noticed about the male ego. Most, I have found lately, have an inflated sense of self worth and an even more distorted body image. My ex, ManTits (this name is mean even by my standards but hell, if the shoe, or...er bro/mansaire fits....you are askin' for it) definitely falls into this category. Unfortunately, he lives right down the street from me so the occasional sighting at the grocery store or walking the dog is inevitable. Since I dumped him, I have lost 18 lbs. Today I found them (and at least another 15lbs., likely from some other lucky recently liberated femme that must live in my neighborhood) on ManTits. From a distance, his silhouette is reminiscent of a 3 dimentional Fred Flintstone crossed with Jane Mansfield. By the looks of him, he has spent the last six months getting stoned with Tweedle Dumb and Tweedle Dumber, drinking beer and eating fast food. It is out of control.....doesn't he own a mirror?!?!? (and if so, I want it, it is *magical*!!) He wasn't always like this, I have seen pictures from his 20's, and he was SMOKIN' HOT! Black hair and cutting blue eyes combined with a swimmer's body, YUM! From our year and a half together, I know that is who he sees when he looks in that mirror. When I look in the mirror I see a woman that needs to lose another 10lbs (not one that just lost 18 and looks amazing!), a pernicious blemish (imperceptible to anyone but me), creases forming in my previously perfect skin (BOTOX!!!! I MUST HAVE MORE!!) Some days, I honestly cannot look in the mirror. Luckily for me, I don't have to. ManTits can keep his *magic* mirror. I have something better; the best friends anyone could ask for. They reflect back things I would never see for myself in myself. They shore me up and keep me sane. I hope I do the same for them.

Special shout out to HottyMcS, I love ya mannnnnnnnnnn!!!!

3 comments:

SC said...

He realizes he's never gonna do better than you, so he'll take what he can get and not have to work at keeping in shape.

LA Woman said...

See whatI am sayin? great friends? Muah SC!

sexxykitty said...

Ok, the only thing worse than man tits, is hairy man tits, with a hairy back. Don't you agree?