Recently, I was hanging out with Boy Gorgeous and obsessing about a guy as usual. I wouldn't admit this to many people, but I even went as far as to search thru nearly 500 myspace pages to find his. I am not proud. BG nonchalantly told me to shake it off and find another one. That honestly had never occurred to me. (Insert cartoon sound effect, blink blink and imagine blank doe-eyed stare in response). I get attached. I put out too quickly. I dissect every single minute detail of a date. I am the woman that checks my phone incessantly to make sure it is still working. I DON'T KNOW HOW TO SHAKE IT OFF! Over a very cheap bottle of wine sitting on the Hollywood Strip, BG philosophized about being a Professional Dater (with his pinkie out, of course). He is the Master, I am humble grasshopper. Mind you, this is in its infancy. I need to date more like a man, and here are the first steps;
Remember The Key of Three
Always have three going at the same time, no more no less. Any more, you screw up and it gets complicated and confusing. Must have a pipeline developed. This way, someone pisses you off, bores you or simply goes away it is no big deal. Most importantly, this removes any and all pressure. When you have pressure, you lose your confidence thus losing hand. You become desperate and men can virtually smell that. A caveat to the juggler, don't use proper names, too great a risk of messing them up...... Call them Baby, or Handsome or (my personal favorite) Sugarbritches. Or as Sarah does, number them. Or as John does, dates chicks with the same name.
2. Send in The Representative
For God's Sake, Send in the Representative!!!
The Representative is the "you" as you would like others to see you. A confident, teflon exterior which allows you to gain information and stay aloof. I am going to rely on Fantastic and BG to further expand on this concept. They have it down to a science
3. Don't spill your guts
I think this is somewhat obvious, and if you are doing 1. And 2. Correctly you will not make this error. Even I don't do this. (Except when I told a guy I had Botox and got my eyebrows waxed afterward. I knew immediately that was a bad idea on several levels. I blame this rookie error on the incredible pain.). I can think of numerous men I have dated that have been compelled to talk about their past relationships, worse yet, their mothers. Nothing good can come out of giving someone too much info. Also think of the Seinfeld episode with the Yadda Yadda. Sissy, have a comment on that?
4. Do not get emotionally attached
Emotion is Cancer
As BG stated, it may say a lot about you as a human, but not great for the professional dater. I am open to ideas on how you do this. Is it like when you go to the gyno and look at the ceiling and hum the National Anthem? Do you picture them naked? (that may work as naked men are intrinsically comical). Do you visualize a Pac Man chomping lil heart bubbles up as you catch yourself becoming smitten? Works for Cancer patients.......
I cannot wait to hear what my filthy and gorgeous friends have to add! Muah!