Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Dating MANtality

Recently, I was hanging out with Boy Gorgeous and obsessing about a guy as usual. I wouldn't admit this to many people, but I even went as far as to search thru nearly 500 myspace pages to find his. I am not proud. BG nonchalantly told me to shake it off and find another one. That honestly had never occurred to me. (Insert cartoon sound effect, blink blink and imagine blank doe-eyed stare in response). I get attached. I put out too quickly. I dissect every single minute detail of a date. I am the woman that checks my phone incessantly to make sure it is still working. I DON'T KNOW HOW TO SHAKE IT OFF! Over a very cheap bottle of wine sitting on the Hollywood Strip, BG philosophized about being a Professional Dater (with his pinkie out, of course). He is the Master, I am humble grasshopper. Mind you, this is in its infancy. I need to date more like a man, and here are the first steps;

1. Juggle
Remember The Key of Three
Always have three going at the same time, no more no less. Any more, you screw up and it gets complicated and confusing. Must have a pipeline developed. This way, someone pisses you off, bores you or simply goes away it is no big deal. Most importantly, this removes any and all pressure. When you have pressure, you lose your confidence thus losing hand. You become desperate and men can virtually smell that. A caveat to the juggler, don't use proper names, too great a risk of messing them up...... Call them Baby, or Handsome or (my personal favorite) Sugarbritches. Or as Sarah does, number them. Or as John does, dates chicks with the same name.
2. Send in The Representative
For God's Sake, Send in the Representative!!!
The Representative is the "you" as you would like others to see you. A confident, teflon exterior which allows you to gain information and stay aloof. I am going to rely on Fantastic and BG to further expand on this concept. They have it down to a science
3. Don't spill your guts
Yadda Yadda
I think this is somewhat obvious, and if you are doing 1. And 2. Correctly you will not make this error. Even I don't do this. (Except when I told a guy I had Botox and got my eyebrows waxed afterward. I knew immediately that was a bad idea on several levels. I blame this rookie error on the incredible pain.). I can think of numerous men I have dated that have been compelled to talk about their past relationships, worse yet, their mothers. Nothing good can come out of giving someone too much info. Also think of the Seinfeld episode with the Yadda Yadda. Sissy, have a comment on that?
4. Do not get emotionally attached
Emotion is Cancer
As BG stated, it may say a lot about you as a human, but not great for the professional dater. I am open to ideas on how you do this. Is it like when you go to the gyno and look at the ceiling and hum the National Anthem? Do you picture them naked? (that may work as naked men are intrinsically comical). Do you visualize a Pac Man chomping lil heart bubbles up as you catch yourself becoming smitten? Works for Cancer patients.......

I cannot wait to hear what my filthy and gorgeous friends have to add! Muah!


Stanley said...

I think if your goal is to meet alot of people and get laid alot, then sure, your MANtality rules will work. Other than that, I don't think playing games like this is going to result in anything meaningful long term. That's my .02

Mr. Fantastic said...

a counterpoint to Stanley w/implied respect.....your current goals aren't just to "meet a lot of people and get laid", they are more long-term than that. However, your insistence to act obsessive-compulsive, psycho-analyze the minutiae, and create expectation with the lowest common denominator amongst the y-chromosome has led you nowhere.

If nothing else, trying the polar opposite a-la'-3 rules of MANtality can't hurt, even if the obvious implications are what Stanley mentions.

Ultimately, no matter what your game plan is---the outcome will not differ unless your expectations and sample pool differs (e.g. immediately settling down with a young buck met at a bar).

LA Woman said...

Tough love from Mr. Fantastic. Smokin' hot AND super smart AND insightful....even if he is a tad loquacious! Muah, love you!

Duke said...

Maybe it's my lack of worldly experience, but I've got to side with Stanley. While the rules can go in your favor for a long-term, I think it is highly unlikely you'll have success. You could even end up screwing up your chances with one if he turns out to be the one and then happens to find out about this.

The only rule here that I think is a good one, is to not get enotionally attached. I think it's the quick attachment that turns you into the "insistence to act obsessive-compulsive, psycho-analyze the minutiae, and create expectation with the lowest common denominator amongst the y-chromosome" person. Keep the attachment out of the picture until you've been going out for a while.