Saturday, November 25, 2006
Fathers be good to your daughters
I had a wonderful time being spoiled by my parents the last couple of days. I told my dad I was going to wake up and get all pissed I don't have a latte and his world famous scrambled eggs waiting for me tomorrow am. Time goes so quickly, and it seems I just got there and then had to leave. I teared up as they pulled away from the airport. What I think I miss the most is the feeling of security I get when I am with my dad. I don't have to worry about ANYTHING. I am so content and relaxed. I think this is only a feeling I have ever had with my dad and my grandparents. I have never trusted in anyone to that degree since. Is this what love is supposed to be like? Romantic love. To trust someone so that you completely give yourself, lock stock and barrel, to their care? I am so independant day to day and alone I almost don't know how to respond to this sort of nurturing. I like it. So the new guy hasn't called since our date Wednesday night. We did it, watched a movie, picked up dinner and then he became ill. Not a peep since. I went on the dirtier filthier web site and checked it out, he was on today. RED FLAG! I wish I could say I was surprised. Or heartbroken. Or really cared. I have been through enough that I can just shake it off and go to the next one. Hurt, of course a little. More pride than anything. I feel if he would have taken the time to get to know me (or cared to to begin with) then maybe he would want to protect me. Maybe he would appreciate that my heart is a gift. Maybe he would find value in me. If nothing else, string me along for the sex! He didn't and he won't. I guess I didn't know how much I miss feeling loved, nurtured, protected....safe until I was reminded this weekend. I suppose I am lucky to at least have one man who will guard me with his life and scramble some eggs for me.