Saturday, November 11, 2006

Dirty Filthy Web Site

A few weeks ago, my friend told me about this web site. This is no eHarmony my friends, this is where you go if you want to find someone to fuck. My profile sucks, I put NO effort into it and mostly used their "canned" phrases which don't say a lot. I did not post a pic. There is NOTHING interesting, unique or original about my DFW persona which should draw attention to me. I was shocked when I received over 50 emails in my first week! Most of them went something like this;
"You seem so together and sexy and hot. Love to get to know you and then eat that sweet pussy and ass for hours. Hit me back to get things rolling".
Eat Ass??? Is there any breath mint available today that could take the edge off of that? EW!
Or this;
"i pack alot for the right one. I love sex and i love to please. i know how to please a woman in many ways i have a 9in long and 5in thick dick and i know how to use it to its fullest so get at me when u get a miunte"
I am quite sure he would not be able to please a woman who teaches English. Or typing. Maybe he was typing with his 9 in long dick. And 5 in thick?? Holy shit! I would like to point out to the very well endowed, this is *NOT* a selling feature. I am not a baseball mitt that you can work in. After this guy would be done with me, I would have a vagina the size of Montana. I would also call bullshit on the claim to length and girth of his member, however, most of the men were kind enough to send pictures. This one actually sent a picture with his hoo ha lined up with a ruler to better fortify his assertion he is hung like a horse. Maybe he works in marketing.....(an interesting sidebar, one thing all of the penis pics had in common was they were wearing socks. Weird.) In the interest of research, I did reply to some and gave them my dirty instant messenger persona, Spankme. Here is how most of the conversations went; "Hi. Hi. How are you? Do you want to meet? Hi. Can I call you? Do you like to fuck?" WTF??? One of these (ahem) gentleman gave me a computer virus which I in turn gave to EVERYONE on my im contact list. What I have learned from my brief AFF stint is the following; when you aim a camera at your penis your feet get cold and you loose considerable IQ points. You cannot type well with your penis. Finally, there is no such thing as safe sex, even on the internet.


LA Woman said...
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Senor Smooth said...

LOL! A baseball mitt, I love that! It's funny but I think guys with REALLY big dicks actually only see themselves as a penis with feet. They think that it's all they have to offer the world and thus go with that first. It's sad really, something to feel sorry for someone for. like an incest/rape survivor who for the rest of thier life only sees themselves as the receiver of abuse. Anyhow, my point, if there is one, is that you shouldn't diss these guys just cause they're jumping the gun. Like you said this ain't freak'n E-Harmony and people aren't there to meet their soulmate. They're there to get laid, NOW. Don't expect wine and roses when you dine with the hogs.

Milfie said...

A much needed reminder, senor...

LA Woman said...

First, Yay! I am so *happy* you have jumped in! Second, maybe I should have called this blog, Pearls Before Swine....pretty accurate representation of my love life to date. DAMMIT! I am a PEARL!