FAIL

To be or not to be? THAT is the question. I am on beer ten bajillion.....shall I add beer ten bajillion and one to the equation? (Don't mind if I do!) As night time Kat ALWAYS fucks over day time Kat we say MILLER TIME! I am ripshit fucked up. I have so many great ideas on what I want to talk about. I will just rant tonight. I am exhausted, five days straight of travel. I clipped myself in the eye with the mascara brush this morning and looked super stoned all day...burning eyes. I worked for 14 hours....didn't eat and then starting drinking the second I got home. I cannot believe BBFF hasn't called. I am genuinely devistated. I have to close one eye when I type to read this. 100% FAIL for the week. Now I start to hiccup. I should put that last bit on my family Christmas card.

I'll Even Take a Partial One At This Point...

I need a brain abortion. I had a soul sucking day in a training about the most banal of electronics today given by Grandpa Simpson. This guy is legendary for his ability to prattle on and on about nothing. I knew it would be bad, just never prepared for the reality of just how bad it can get. Initially, I entertained myself by counting how many times Gpa Simpson said, "and stuff like that." His personal best was 17 times in one 30 minute interval. That got boring. Then I focused on his ability to be a total asshole without even realizing it. Gpa Simpson, "Joe, Bill and Bob are about the best in the room letting me know about new applications. They are brilliant and in touch with what is going on. Or, they could be complete idiots that are feeding me a line of (pardon my language) bullcookies because I don't hear from the rest of you." We all let out a communal, ouch! Frickin' cold dude! I enjoyed being a fly on the wall as he talked to the salesman from Israel, "I find men do better there. Women, they don't like Israel because of all the dirt. It is really dusty and dirty. Women don't like it." Not sure what tickled me more, his complete misogyny or ability to insult and entire culture without even realizing it. My boss and I were cracking up, I was like, "please don't send me to Israel. I hear it is a backward dirt pit...not that I mind that over being stoned in the streets for showing skin." At one point my buddy, Mr. Slick leaned over and we hatched a plan. Mr. Slick said, "look. If he doesn't shut up soon I am going to make myself vomit. I don't care if I have to stick my entire arm down my throat and grab my liver to make that happen. I am getting out of here somehow." I told him he had better barf on me so I could go too. Thanked him for having my back, or front, or whatever part of me he wanted to barf on. I was grateful to be included in his plan. At some point, my head was lolling around in my chair and I told my co-worker that I was going to attack him and stick a fork in his eye. He handed me a pen, that is all we had handy. My torture finally came to a close and I opted out of more forced fun with dinner. I stopped at the Sev on my way home and got the ultimate complidiss from the cashier. He told me he didn't recognize me as I was dressed nicely, my hair was done and I was looking pretty. Um. Thanks?