According to my horoscope, my intuition is in top form today. My loneliness and confusion regarding love is top on my mind and this is the optimal time to open up with someone about my feelings with reference to the stars. Finally, I am about to give up on love. Just a little light message to take into my day.
I needed to get out of my house, and out of my head according to Foodie. I am reflective while sipping some brazilian tea and observing the stream of hipsters that enter the Akasha coffee shop downtown Culver City. I'm sad and I know why; I am Manhattan Millionaire's West Coast booty call. There. I said it. Something wasn't sitting right with me and then I spoke to Mr. MBA last night. "Come on. You know what it is......" I did, but I didn't want to admit it. "Is Manhattan Millionaire going out of his way to see you Kat? He has money correct? In all of the years you have been talking he could have gotten on a plane and visited you for the weekend." He's right. I tried weakly to object citing all of the complimentary things MM has said to me and how awkward and excited he is. All the nerdy sexting we've been doing. Mr. MBA patiently waiting for me to run out of defensive steam before replying, "He's doing what is necessary to get in your pants." Fuck. He is right. This is why he is my super secret male decoder ring.
I spoke with my aunt later last night and she reminded me it was Christmas and I should go to church, that is where I will meet a nice man. She also had some of our good ol' fashioned Germanic pragmatic advice for me; "Quit aiming for the stars. Settle. Quit wasting time on past loves or worrying about the future. Live in the now. Go sing some Christmas carols." I hung up and cried, not channeling the reason for the season but Scrooge. Maybe she's right I should settle....my janitor did just ask me out.
I texted Manhattan Millionaire a frowny face and over a very brief text exchange I told him I'd had a rough day. "You're brilliant and thoughtful and hilarious and wildly irresistible, if that's any consolation. :)" Was the last text I got last night. I cursed at my vagina for the power it wields over men.
My intuition tells me that I must have the convo with MM and bail on San Francisco in Jan. My loneliness is saying suck it up and just have fun and tap HIS ass. I wonder which one will prevail. Bah humbug.
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Thursday, December 01, 2011
It finally happened! Manhattan Millionaire is coming to California……it will be in almost two months at the end of January. I'm not sure my little heart will be able to last that long. I am again smitten. He is wonderful. I just need a strong reality check that beyond our (sure to be magical) weekend together in San Francisco, it is extremely unlikely anything will develop. He lives in Manhattan. I live in Los Angeles. Drag man. He is my Abelard and I love our chat affair we have going on. He called me Monday and during our conversation reminded me it has been (gulp!) 27 years since we last laid eyes on each other. I had lunch with AppleBottom yesterday and she was sugar coating the fact that I am a bit of an odd bird. "Kooky" is her code for weird. Her advice was to keep up with my activities…."continue on with that "kooky" class you're taking. You will meet someone that appreciates your, er, unique way." "You mean my improv class?" I questioned, not thinking that was very freaky. "Yeah, that…." she said. Hm. I spent the rest of the day contemplating what she was saying, I am so "kooky" that I will never connect with a normal man. By the time Mr. MBA called me after work, I was spinning. "I just have to not be myself!" I blurted out when I answered the phone. "Am I really that weird?" He started laughing, "you are going to work yourself into a fit by your date friday….." I think he started to reconsider our friendship when I told him the date was nearly two months away. As any good friend would, Mr. MBA reassured me I am not weird but interesting. I hope he is right. I have almost two months to become Kat 2.0, the best version of myself I can be. Eradicating "weird" would be a hopeless task considering all of the other work that must be done. Manhattan Millionaire asked me Monday why I am not dating now. "I want something exceptional." was my honest response. Is it foolish to hope the karmic wheel is turning and it is my time for something exceptional? I have worked so hard and made so many painful decisions over the last year. It would be nice to think that the universe would acknowledge that by throwing a hot, smart and successful man my way. Throw this girl a bone!