Wednesday, March 30, 2011

racist me

oh the dramz....

I was accused of being a racist last night. I am part of a community now, sad isn't it?

I'm sober. It sucks ass. Mornings are better yet........minute by minute it is challenging. I want to get super fucked up now. I won't. Sigh.

My sober buddy, Corset, called me on it today. My hot neighbor asked her if she was my sponsor. Alcoholics ANONYMOUS dumbass! She isn't. He had an idiot savant moment where he recalled her name from me saying I was going to an AA meeting a month ago with "Laura." Luck of the draw, my besties from home are Lori, Laura and Laura. (when in doubt...)

Took a Xanax this morning. Not working. I still hate you brown/asian/jew/um..whatever people

Monday, March 28, 2011

Ahhhhh! I feel as if I can once again stretch my arms! I spilled a beer on my old laptop, apparently they don't like them as much as I do. All I have had is my work laptop which has been in the IT department and lord only knows what software they loaded. Today I bought myself my personal Mac Book pro. Awesome to be able to surf porn again without fear of being fired by the Christian coalition I work for. It is also awesome to be able to plunk down $1300 hundo without blinking an eye. CASH baby!

I continue down my path of self-improvement which is annoying and time-consuming. It is yielding results. I am looking healthy. I am acting healthy. I am making good decisions. I think I may have found my future ex..... I saw the Jew today as I drove home, waiting for Big Love at his transportation comittee meeting he said she didn't take part in. It solidifies I have made the right decision; he is lying when his mouth is moving. Rather than being upset or unwraveling or popping a Xanax I thought, "right...of course." Hideous bitch.

Today I signed up for an improv class and bought a new computer. Fuck them and their Charles Manson Family. I deserve better. I am actually beginning to believe that now.

Tonight I surf porn and type "vagina vagina vagina" because I can. So many things are feeling right and great right now. Over the last two years I have really learned about unconditional love. I have NOT been lovable yet I'm getting my head out of my ass and am seeing some familiar faces. The view (and air) are better from this vantage point. I am so grateful.