Friday, March 30, 2007

Body Temple day one

I failed. Miserably day one. Drank to retardation. Again. Sissy made me promise I would go to the gym and work out my anger, disappointment and frustration. I promised. I lied. I am currently ripshit drunk. Skeptic called tonight. I hate myself for folding like I did. I like him a lot more than I would ever let on to anyone...except for the Filthy and Gorgeous posse. Shhhhh, please don't tell him. I humiliated myself enough to myself and to him tonight. I actually do like him a lot. Not as a lover, but a friend. I know he will be a great friend. He knows it which is why he reaches out to me and spills.....we are destined to be great friends. Not lovers. Sucks to be me. Thank God for the Rabbit.

Thursday, March 29, 2007

Out stealing boyfriends

Thursday night happy hour! Yeah! Meeting hottie Sarah at the Mex to see what trouble we can stir up tonight. Gots to start planning my work, and working my plan if I do not want to die alone, living in a cardboard box under a viaduct. Not feeling mojolicious but every great athlete pushes past their pain. I am the Dating Misanthrope! No pain, no gain! I have decided this weekend is going to be a Body Temple weekend. No drinking...try not to smoke. Work out. Eat salmon. Clean out closets, do expenses, organize! Lots of fruit and tea. Tonight is my last chance at happiness until Sexual Chocolate's bday bash next Friday and I intend to live it up. I have always believed that self improvement is for the other guy, but my current dry spell is showing me otherwise. I need to be the kind of person that will attract the kind of guy I would want to be with. We have all heard the saying that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. I am going to shake it up by doing a program of self denial and misery. I have also ordered some HGH supplements. I KNEW Trimspa didn't work for Anna Nicole! I took that shit and had the appetite of a fucking truck driver. My ex dependant Alexandra and I started calling it FATspa. If HGH worked for that fat pig, drug laden Anna, I expect I can rock it. Clean closets, clean colen, clean finances.....I want the Bounce dryer sheet smell all over my life. I know I am talking all tough now, but it is Thursday night happy hour and the world is at my (soon to be Bouncey smelling) feet.

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Oh dear......

Woke up this morning to this IM;

Skeptic (3/28/2007 5:49:05 AM): Hey. Got your message. Nothing personal; I'm just getting around to returning messages and haven't spoken to anyone since last week (except my dad who I called on his B-day)....
Spankie (3/28/2007 8:01:00 AM): oh, it's personal. 1. i am a woman and 2. i am a pisces. EVERYTHING is personal

Nuf said.

Sunday, March 25, 2007

Bar Sin

Another hung over Sunday after and out of control Saturday night. Doc was visiting from up north and brought his leather pants which is code for "we are going to Bar Sinister." Sexual Chocolate and Sarah joined us. Bar Sin is a very cool goth bar in Hollywood with a strict dress code; fetish wear, goth or all black. We got our Goth on, actually had to lend Sarah the good Christian girl a cross to wear. I wore a corset and long black skirt. We did note we were the hottest chicks in the joint. Upstairs, there is a spanking bar. Now, the last time we were there, the spanking bar was grossly disappointing. Unattractive women being whipped in a non-convincing manner. All show no go. We ended up heckling the so-called "dungeon Master" encouraging him to actually "spank the naughty bitches!!!!" Last night was a different story. The women were attractive and the Dungeon Master was actually beating the shit out of them! Yeah us! So, we stayed and watched the show all night, getting progressively more drunk in the process. Good times! I made a mental note that in the event my love life continues to go in the direction it is, I may need to avail myself of the Dungeon Master's skills in order to have a male touch. I am paying my pedicurist to touch me as well. Skeptic and I had a tiff Friday night so I am pretty sure that is done. He coupled me and the word "chore" in the same sentence and I went nuts. My feelings were hurt and I lashed out. He has been very high maintenance, bad ROI (return on investment). For a fuck buddy, he has been unreliable and unavailable. I raised my voice and told him I wasn't asking him to take me out, hold my hand, read me Leaves of Grass. How much more low maintenance can I possibly be? The problem is, I broke with Dating Mantality rule #3, Do Not Get Emotionally Attached. I really like him. I wish I could take it back, but sadly I cannot. So, I lick my wounds today and contemplate how I am going to fill my pipeline which is completely empty.

Friday, March 23, 2007

I need to get boned

Skeptic continues to blow me off. I told him this was a picture of us the next time we have sex. Do you like my porn??
Update: Skeptic: If you keep smoking we won't be dying at the same time....
To the uber smart Filthy and Gorgeous posse, I think the PHD student Skeptic missed my point.

Thursday, March 22, 2007


OK, I did it. I bit the bullet and joined EHarmony. As I was filling out my profile, it occurred to me that the Filthy and Gorgeous posse needs to bust out the camera and commemorate our fantastic evenings BEFORE we get rip shit drunk. I am looking a bit tore-up from the floor up in all of these pictures. I would likely appeal to a Charles Buokowski kind of guy from these pictures (if you are unfamiliar with the reference, think the movie Barfly). The profile is a pain in the ass to fill out....took a hour at least. I guess the process takes a while too....Mr. MBA from Chicago said that initially you have to invest some time in answering these pre-selected questions but the women always choose the same ones. How he has streamlined this process is by creating a spread sheet with the questions he has been asked and then his very thoughtfully crafted responses which he then cuts and pastes. Fucking brilliant if I do say so myself and I will be doing the same. Hey, my biological clock is a-ticking and time is a-wasting! The Doc will be in town this weekend and I intend to have him edit my responses for "male friendly" content. I am afraid my profile makes me seem like a the experienced Internet dater he will bring his particular expertise to my quest. Stay tuned, you know I will be sharing all of the triumphs and tragedies of this new endeavor!!

Saturday, March 17, 2007

fuck you you fucking fuck

It is 2:07 am. I just got home. I am fucked up. San Fran is uber wasted. He called me earlier, I am not sure he was speaking english. He is in Tahoe. He is crazy drunk. I am pretty sure he hung up on me three (maybe four times) tonight. Fuck him. I had a great time tonight with my friends. Sarah, SC and Duke were out with me tonight. I left him am message to that effect; fuck you. Don't call me again. I am not attached. I really do not care. San Fran can kiss some heavy metal Kat ass.

Friday, March 16, 2007


I have had a lot on my mind lately which is why I have been remiss in my blogging. I am still depressed. I have not seen Skeptic since the lost condom incident. He actually blew me off completely when I invited him over for a home cooked meal and a blow job. Sexual Chocolate wanted to go clubbing last weekend, and I told him I was broke and wanted to do something a bit more low key. He urged me on by pointing out I could work the boys for free drinks to which I replied I couldn't give away free food and pussy so I was not optimistic about my ability to pull free drinks. Not good for the ego. San Fran was in on my birthday last Monday. Another night at the Beverly Hilton...fancy. I got more pleasure from the hotel room and the amenities than San Fran. Grossly unsatisfying. Haven't heard from him since. I think we are both seeing the writing on the wall regarding our hook up; besides sex and alcohol we really don't have much in common. He did say he would come down in the next couple of weeks, but honestly, seems like more trouble than it is worth. What I need is a little preDICKtability in my life. I want the standing Saturday night date. I want the cuddle up on the sofa guy. I want the Sunday newspaper and breakfast with the Beatles guy. I want to be wanted! The plan for the weekend is to hit HARD and really work my funnel. I need to get out of this funk and perhaps the best way to do so is by a few weeks of frenetic dating. Should be a source of amusement for the Filthy and Gorgeous posse. Stay know it is about to get good.

Sunday, March 11, 2007

Location, Location, Location

Just got back from Vegas and am quite proud of myself. Left with a net profit of FOUR, yes count 'em FOUR big bills....imagine my pride when I left the casino with an extra FOUR crisp ten dollar bills! Ten feet tall and bulletproof is how I felt I will tell you. What was most interesting to me is what men think about women in Vegas. I was there for work. I know what you Lil piggy wigs are thinking, but yes, legitimate bonafide, bone crushing and mind numbing work. On my way out, I was stuffing my suitcase in the overhead bin with less than Herculean results. I was concerned I was going to bean a older Norman Rockwell looking Some body's Grandpa in the head. Told him to tuck and cover upon landing as I needed to retrieve my bag. He immediately turned icky and thanked me for letting him look down my top. As we checked into the hotel, my boss and I walked to the elevator banks and he walked directly to the doors, The Palms security stopped me and asked me for my room key. My boss, snickering, told me they thought I was a hooker which is why they stopped me. Finally, I met a bunch of nice boys in town for a bachelor party. They invited me up to their suite which I declined. A couple of women approached me and chastised the boys for not buying me a drink, and they said they would fix this situation. I declined, and the women said, well you are coming up to the party right? I said no, I was playing blackjack. They said, well how do you expect us to dance for all these men???? They were strippers and thought I was also a stripper. Where men and money are located in such great numbers, are women always so devalued? Do we become a commodity to be screwed, ogled and perform obscene acts with bananas? I felt dirty. I feel angry. As far as we have come as women, we still are objectified. We make less than men, our dry cleaning is more expensive, our upkeep is more (hair cuts, color, makeup, botox). As my birthday just passed, I feel my expiration date as a commodity is drawing nearer. It angers me that as women age, they become invisible and men become more attractive. I begin to panic that I am still single and contemplate settling for a guy before I start to look like Dog the Bounty Hunter because then I will be royally screwed. Vegas is just LA on steroids and the same rules apply here. As much as I would like to deconstruct the dominant paradigm, I am off to have a salad for lunch and will continue to shave my pits and do my hair.

Thursday, March 01, 2007

Kill Pill

I think much of my foul mood can be explained by my recently starting back on birth control. The irony is; now I can have sex with no worry of becoming stuck to any of these losers for the next 18 years, however, I am such a fucking depressed and bitchy chick that it is unlikely any man will let me get close enough to try. There is always another side to every coin, huh? San Fran did not call me once this weekend. That pissed me off although I really didn't care what or who he was doing. He hasn't texted me today, and although I really don't care I noted and filed this transgression and decided to be further pissed off. I have invited Skeptic over tomorrow night for salmon and sex....we have some unfinished business to attend to after our activities got cut short when he decided to play "hide the condom" up in the dark and cavernous hole that is my vagina. He is uncertain if he can make it, he may have work to do......on a FRIDAY NIGHT!?!?? That pisses me off. I am being turned down for sex over a fucking part time job. I am going to call birth control the kill pill. I had lunch with Luv Bug yesterday and I think I scared her. Initially she asked me if I would like one of her precious Valiums (she cannot con her doc into giving her more and her office pill swap is light on the vitamin "V"s.) When I didn't respond, she said....."Lemmie rephrase, TAKE this Valium". I know I am on the edge when she volunteered her drugs. I want more chill pills to counteract the kill pills. Or better yet, how about just a good guy? Why oh why is that so hard to come by?
How do you like my pussy boys? Betty XOXOXOXO