Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Eat it, Lick it, Snort it, Fuck it

Eat It, Lick It, Snort It, F--k It

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Words to live by from the living legend that is Britney Spears. So, the good news is I am dating what appears to be a very nice man. Shocking I know. He took me out Friday to a very nice dinner and we had a great time. When the bill came, no hesitation......He met me and HottieEsq out at Stanley's last night for dins. Lots of wine was flowing. I am somewhat hung over this am but it was worth it. I like him. Still going to keep my pipeline full as we never know what to expect. He could bust out tomorrow with some unique and disturbing characteristic. Would the Filthy and Gorgeous Posse like to make guesses as to what this guy's Dirty Little Secret may be? Creativity is a bonus. Muah, Kat

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

The Millionaire I Never Got to Know

Is it a prerequisite if you are a guy to be retarded or mentally ill to join EHarmony? I am beginning to think that is the case. I had a date with another douche I met there, the Snake Oil Salesman. After our first meeting, my Spidey senses were tingling that something was just not right. He wasn't what he was portraying himself to be. His resume read like the phone book; many disparate and weird job done for short periods of time. His current job, although legal, struck me as one step above a loan shark. He sells $500 computers to people that do not have credit for $2000. He drank a ton and told me the previous weekend he had done X and blow all weekend. Icky. I decided to trust my gut and never go out with this guy again. Sissy went off on me and remarked that I never have anything positive to say, that a guy is not their job, sometimes I should just go out and see if something will develop over time......tough love from Sissy. So The Snake Oil Salesman called me up and asked me out again and, with Sissy's stern chastising in mind, I said yes. We went for sushi and I didn't eat much as my tummy was upset. The bill came and there was this very awkward silence as I waited for him to pick it up
(I didn't eat!!) and apparently he was waiting for me to pick it up. I am never good in these situations, so I just ate the bill. We went to the Chimney Sweep and had some beers. He drank about three to every one I had. As we talked, I found out he still lives at home, owes a ton of money from a failed t-shirt business, never graduated from college (only had one credit to go), makes $10 an hour (no wonder he didn't reach for the bill, fucking scrub,) and various other facts which I found incompatible with my Prince Charming ideal. On the way home, he said that he felt I had a wall up. I told him, in the most gentle fashion, that I felt we were in two different places blah blah blah. He began to sob. Yes. SOB. I listened to him carry on for a bit until I said that I was leaving. I mean, I have NO idea how to deal with crying. I told HottieEsq when babies cry I offer them a twenty to shut up. Rarely works. I was having trouble with my gate key and he got out of the car and helped me. Once he opened the gate, he refused to give me my keys back and began berating me. After about twenty minutes of this, I told him I would call the cops if he didn't give my keys back. He complied by whipping them into the bushes. Picture me, in a dress and platforms fishing my keys out of the bushes in the pitch black. Good times. He wouldn't leave my courtyard either. Had to threaten to call the cops again. He left. My phone was ringing as I walked up the stairs, it was him. He left the message, "when you blog about me, you should title it the Millionaire I never got to know." Done.

Thursday, October 04, 2007

If the season won't change, I will make them boys! xoxoxo Betty

I am back!

Hello Posse! I am back from my week in Chicago. Not enough time and I basically saw a doctor every day I was home. Keep your fingers crossed I don't have cancer!! I have been working the last couple of days....drank way too much wine last night. I have several guys going on Eharmony right now.....they seem very funny and have important sounding jobs so....I am cautiously optimistic. My mom loved my red hair and my 93 yr. old grandma gave me the ultimate compliment when she said, "It doesn't look as bad as I thought it would." I have over a thousand emails to work through (that is AFTER I deleted the spam) so I should be busy for a while. Missed my writing class Tuesday which is probably a good thing. I don't think I have any business being there. I am displeased with my first piece I wrote for class. Comedy writing, what the fuck was I thinking!! Going out with some of the Filthy and Gorgeous posse this weekend and hopefully will get some action going. I am starting to feel ready to date. Speaking of, I had a ManTits sighting yesterday. As I was going to work at 9 am, I drove down the street to see ManTits sitting on the curb with a couple of other losers. He was wearing a wife beater. Someone should tell him that is NOT a good look when you have DDs and no bra. I am glad to be home but I do have to say, I really miss Chicago. Sigh. Fall is nice.