Thursday, December 28, 2006

I will survive

Post Christmas hangover.....too much partying, too much food, too much "quality" family time, too many bills. I blew so much cash I will have to date for food after this holiday season. Right now, I just want to sit and savor the silence of my single life in my squalid apartment. Initially, going into the holiday, I was sitting on the pity pot. I will admit, I was feeling sorry for myself that I would be, once again, single for another Christmas. Going downtown Chicago, watching couples hold hands and look at the department store windows only exacerbated my sense of isolation. A funny thing happened over my vacation, I got to hang out with my married friends. They are all more or less unhappy in their relationships and are living vicariously through me. One of my friends, Chip was questioning me about my "relationship intelligence" and determined that I am at least seven years away from being able to commit to anyone (his methodology was arbitrary, drunk and unscientific at best. I took this with a grain of salt.) One of my best friends took it a step further and questioned weather or not marriage is ever a desired outcome. These people have what I have been aiming for as my "golden ticket" and they are miserable. I am free. I am dating great men. I am having fun. I do not have to deal with men's fucked up bullshit. I kiss. I have amazing sex. Can it be that wrong? I do what I want, when I want. This is really making me sit down and take stock of my goals and objectives. What am I striving for here? I have great friends. I have a family that I cherish. I have men that love my company and take me out......I have mind blowing sex. Are we really meant to partner with one person? As I mulled that concept today while travelling back to LA I got three sets of digits en route. Maybe this was the gift I have been looking for all of my adult life. The realization that it is great to be single. My life doesn't suck. Among the many tangible gifts I lugged through ORD and LAX I brought a light and highly portable epiphany; I am in a great place. I hope my Filthy and Gorgeous posse knows how much I appreciate them on a daily basis. I don't have to wait for Christmas to receive presents, I am blessed every single day of the year. I love you guys. Merry Christmas!

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas my friends! I am going to Chicago today and will see many of you tomorrow! I hope your dreams for the future keep you at peace, Muah! Kat

Sunday, December 17, 2006


I just had a great idea for a movie. Instead of Rambo, our heroine is Rebo......super swashbuckling rebound queen. Of course she is about 5'9, Blond, perfect size C, has a couple of dogs and likes red wine, a lot. Would be very difficult to cast this part......I MAY have someone in mind. Even feverish and somewhat inebriated, our heroine can overcome disappointment and fill her pipeline as a lesser woman could not do on her best day. Her secret weapon; long black eyelashes which make a whooshing noise as she bats them at her unsuspecting victim, rendering him unable to break gaze with her big blue eyes. She has him! She has a Shield of Innocence which makes her impervious to male superpowers such as the Mind Meld or Mind Control. The only way around the Shield of Innocence is with jewelry (preferably Tiffany) or expensive handbags (preferably Coach or Marc Jacob.) Rebo is a lover, not a fighter and uses words to magically entrance men into doing as she wants. She cannot be bothered to do any of that hands on, martial arts type superhero action. Hard to do when wearing platforms anyway. Any suggestions from the Filthy and Gorgeous posse on other superpowers, I er.....Rebo should possess?

Saturday, December 16, 2006

All I Want.

Oh yeah, Joni Mitchell kind of day. It is advisable if you are male to tread lightly around me today. Just got off the phone with Virginia. We were supposed to have a "date" tonight, wine, candles and cam. Mind you, it IS Saturday night and he IS 2200 miles away, yet I agreed. I went to a customer Xmas party in Santa Barbara last night with Boy Gorgeous. Had a great time except we had to leave at 10pm because I was just too sick. He was spazzy when we got back to the room, continued to drink some wine from the Santa Barbara winery we picked up on the way, stripped down to his boxer shorts and leaped from his bed to mine, administering a WWF elbow hammer move thingy to me. He must have done this, as I BITCHED at him, ten times or more until he missed his intended landing pad and ended up on the floor, against the wall with his legs hanging at a weird angle in relationship to his body (ha ha, TOLD you so!) We got up, had breakfast and drove back to LA this am. We had fun. When I got home, I found an instant message on my computer from Virginia, where he told me he "had to move on" and he could tell things had changed since he shared some personal trauma he is experiencing and further,
Virginia (12/15/2006 9:33:35 PM): I have read your seem to have things in order and know what you want...........reach for the stars baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you will get everything you desire.
Harrumph. I think this breaks with dating MANtality as I should have never shared the blog with him. Anyhoooo, I called him and we continued to get into it. At some point today, I started thinking WTF AM I DOING?!??! I am giving up flesh and blood men in order to have a "date" with someone I have never met and have been talking to less than a month (and I have to buy my own alcohol, pretty pricey endeavor for those of you that know me.) And what do you make of the blog comment? Ugh, retarded. Additionally, I am STILL sick....have a fever. I liken his BS approach to poking at an angry bear with a stick and expecting them to sing a show tune. Are men that stupid really?? Whatever the case, I think I need to take a step WAY back. If you are freaking out, do it on your own time. Especially if it is a four week, long distance, weird, Internet thing. Imagine how freaked out he would be in real life? It is actually raining here tonight, we do not have weather in So Cal. I shall enjoy this beautiful bottle of Sangiovese, listen to Joni pull at my heart strings punctuated by the raindrops on my roof as I contemplate slitting my wrists/lesbianism/life in the church.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

I'm Burning Up

I apologize to the Filthy and Gorgeous posse for not posting for a few days, I have been sick. REALLY sick......I have had a fever of 102 and have not been able to swallow. I haven't eaten since Saturday night (I had BETTER have lost some lbs. or I will be PISSED!!) I got in to see the doc on Tuesday and got a throat culture (Boy Gorgeous queried if I had gonorrhea or chlamydia in my throat, what are friends for?) During this period it occurs to me how very very alone I truly am. As a single person, I think the time when the full implication of what this means is when you are sick. Schlepping to the doc, then to the pharmacy, then home to walk the dogs.....make my own tea. It is miserable. I am particularly vulnerable when I have a fever, and at one point I started sobbing at my seemingly hopeless situation, tears streaming down my face. I HATE this. In the meantime, my phone is ringing off the hook with invitations to go to San Fran this weekend to party with San Fran, meet Mr. Catt for dinner, meet the Actor at Mex for cocktails, go with Boy Gorgeous to the Clippers game, fool around with Skeptic (who said we must disengage if I cannot swallow, HA!), hang out with Sarah and Ashley. I am burning up with both a fever and jealousy that life goes on without me. Right now, I really really just want a Popsicle. Ugh. Long walk across the street to the grocery store. Think I will just stew in my juices and fantasize about having a loving man that would bring me some. I must be delusional with fever.........

Sunday, December 10, 2006

Boy Gorgeous

Have I mentioned how much I love Boy Gorgeous? He was my date to my company Christmas party Saturday night in San Diego. A stressful start as we thought we were going to miss our train, but once settled in with several beers we relaxed and I got to enjoy his company. A lot of people think we are a couple as we interact with a level of comfort and intimacy usually reserved for bf/gf types. I tell him EVERYTHING, things I do not admit to anyone else. We chatted and drank the entire trip down the coast, quite beautiful as the train runs next to the ocean and the sun was setting. The party was fun, on a boat with dinner and a club. We were grossly over served, at one point BG laid his head down on the table. Of course, I fell getting out of the car back at the hotel, in front of my boss who has already told me I am single handedly raising the insurance rates for the entire company (Sissy has said, if she didn't know better, she would think I am the falling equivalent of a cutter.) Once in the room, I tore off my dress and went to bed. Boy Gorgeous said at one point, he opened his eyes and saw my boobs. Had the thought, oh those are Kat boobs, and went back to sleep. The next morning, he was uber bright and shiny as compared to my white, shaky hung over self. Annoying really. I got a call from a friend, San Fran who had extended his visit to LA and wanted to know if we could have dinner tonight. As I am digging around for my pants, BG is announcing to San Fran, Hey Kat, I can see your vag! Kind of hard to explain that to someone........ What I love the most about our friendship is we can run around naked in front of each other. We can share all of the good and bad secrets with one another. He has my back always, and sometimes a good view of my front too.

Wipe out, put out and get out!

Sage advice on how to handle a one night stand;

Remember to suck it forward kids!

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Want a piece of this boys? Betty xoxoxo

Mr. Catt

Please welcome a new addition to the Filthy and Gorgeous posse, Mr. Catt!! I had the pleasure of partying with Mr. Catt last night until the weeeeee hours of the am. He is hot. He has boy band hair. Best part, he reps a very high end shoe line (how *sexxy* is that?!?) He is hella fun and I think will be a VERY VERY bad influence on your girl Kat here. Already lost my cellie, HOPE I left it in his car (most popular response today, "probably in the back seat" har de har.) Welcome new wing man! So the next couple of days will be uneventful, I PROMISE you that! Sarah is having a "I dumped the asshole" party tonight.....she will be wearing a boa and tiara! If I could rally, I would to support such a great cause. Sadly, just cannot. So, Thursday night have a date with the pole position guy, timing is a bit suspect as I will be doing another appearance as Knitster 3 on my knitting show.

Skeptic: I'll call you and we'll work it out. Warning: meeting with a woman who's just appeared on a TV show might make me extra horny....
spankie: knit stah, remember it, you will be yelling it later

Sounds promising. Friday, pretty Jen's bday party with many of the Filthy and Gorgeous posse. Saturday, Boy Gorgeous and I will be driving to San Diego to go to my company Christmas party. On a boat, lots of booze in San Diego. How bad can that be? In the meantime, I must lick my wounds from last night and do all of the boring domestic things I have been negecting. Laundry, cleaning......ew.

Sunday, December 03, 2006

Sarah Smile

My darling friend Sarah just broke up with her long term boyfriend yesterday. She called and I rallied as it is my duty to get her very fucked up and slam the asswipe recently curb kicked! To my suprise, Miss Sarah was not on the pity pot! We went to Stanleys (too mellow) and then to Mexicali to celebrate her liberation from the ass for, among other things, becoming a Scientologist (fucking LA, huh?) She is quite beautiful and once again, I am not a lesbian but she has the MOST beautiful natural boobs I have ever seen (maybe riveled by MILFie.) Hard for me to take my eyes off of em! And a sexy beauty mark just above her lip. She is quite the hottie. Johnny got pretty drunk and I think was more than a touch smitten with me (he kind of tipped his hand when I caught him smelling my hair. He liked it.) He was also pressing his, evidentially erect, penis into Sarah. He does this frequently enough for Sarah to have named it "leading with the cock." Like the family dog, you just brush him away. John didn't show because he was at the roller derby (not a critical plot point, but I just thought that was funny. Roller derby. Who does that?!?!??) Good times! Anyhoooo, we did attract the attention of a persistant black man. He was touching Sarah's back and I had to get all "Alpha Male" and tell him he had better step off my woman or we were gonna have problems. He apologized not realizing we were a comitted couple and asked if we were married. Smartie Sarah picked up immediately and launched into the story of how long we have been together, and how we were planning our comitment ceremony in Hawaii. I think she could have gone on forever and even I started to beleive we were girlfriends. I think I am in love....(Sarah what colors did you pick for our commitment ceremony honey?) Mostly I am impressed with her abiltiy to stand up for what she wants and drop kick a dude that is ALMOST right. Strong and feisty is how I likes my women! I have a feeling we are going to have many more semi lesbi nights and cannot wait to have another full time member of the Fithy and Gorgeous posse. Good for you Sara, Smile!! (listening to that song in her honor!!) Came home in time to cam with and talk to the Alpha Male. Oh he is a yummy one!! Talked till 3. This could be big trouble for me.........

Saturday, December 02, 2006


I love my friend Ashley. She is BEAUTIFUL! On the outside, she has platnium hair, BIG blue blue eyes, wicked sense of style, smokin' hot bod and covered with uber cool tatoos (my favorite is she has RESPECT tatooed across her ample bosom). Inside, she is smart, funny, great mom with a heart of gold. I am not a lesbian but I would fuck her. She has a self confidence and self respect that I am drawn to. What I notice is everyone is drawn to her too........she is mojolicious. I wanna be mojolicious!!! Sexxy Kitty said I would never be that because there is a certain amount of mystery necessary to be so. I am too much of a blabbermouth to allow the unknown. (There is the FAINTEST kernel of truth to that as evidenced by the fact I feel the need to spill intimate details of my life to my fithy and gorgeous blog posse.) Sissy suggested that I play the game she plays with her kids, who can not talk for the longest?? I must try this. In the meantime, I just cracked a beer (2pm my time kids) hoping it will help with this wicked bad hangover while wearing a shirt that says, Coffee, Cigerettes, Alcohol (my to do list today), fighting back the beer shits, unshowered and smelling like a bar room floor. Clearly I need more practice keeping details to myself. Hopefully I will pull it together in time to go steal other girl's boyfriends later tonight with mojolicious Ashley.

fuck you all

I hate all of you that lurk and do not post. I am uber drunk right now and am so not "I love you MANNNNING" any of you. I am mad. I am drunk. I rip my vagina out on (pretty much) a daily basis to be with y'all. Why can you all not post with even the most innocuous contributions? I am hurting. I joke. You wanted the blog, you got it. It isn't funny really. My days are long. My job is taxing. My personal life take crazy time and effort. Sometimes, I just wanna get laid like tonight. So, considering I go thru all the actual shit to entertain you, could ya just post?? Thank you!