Sunday, January 07, 2007

Sunday night

Sigh. Sunday night after an uneventful weekend. Had a blast with SC. Sarah, The Duke, John and some other folks Friday night. Sarah and I had quite a snootful by the end of the evening. Although I had a fun with some of the Filthy and Gorgeous posse, it was Little Guy night at the bar. I felt like Nero from that movie, with all the million Agent Smiths coming after him, and he jettisoned one after another. What is the attraction from Little Guys to me? I attempted to be at my most offensive to some of them in an effort to drive them off. On the contrary, it seemed to raise the stakes in their Little Guy game. What am I? Some large mountain to be conquered and the winner plants his Little Guy flag? (and what would that look like? I imagine a flea circus on my neither region, or lice.) My pat joke regarding Little Guys, (which I actually said to some of their faces Friday) is, they could go "up" on me. Does being an Amazon put me out of their league? In my mind, I would not want to be with someone that I would look ridiculous with. Do men consider that or is it more of a "size is a perceived value" thing? Supah size me!!!! I am a tall drink of milk to be sure. When I am with a man, I want to feel like I am with A MAN. Bigger, stronger, thicker. I wanna wrap my arms (and legs) around something more substantial than myself. Do Little Guys feel sexy dangling from my limbs like some weird monkey? Is it a thrill? I am a human jungle gym to be explored and swong upon? Bungee jump from my neck and have your feet still not touch the ground? I just don't get it. I would think it would challenge their masculinity to be with someone so much bigger than them. Maybe I should cruise for the Little Guys, and get a strap-on. I may be missing my calling. Hell, I will take two, they are small...........

Thursday, January 04, 2007

Recommended Reading

Love LOve LOVE this book! Amy Sedaris mixes "old school" recipes for entertaining such as; Whiskey Dick's Hot Chicken Wings, I Remember the War Cube Steak, and Chicken Snatchatory (and lots of cocktail recipes too! mmmm, Lady Slipper) with advice on blind date don'ts; don't answer the door in a wedding dress and veil, he might not think you are joking. (I might not be Amy.) Cannot overlook the "how to" sections on giving yourself a breast exam, make a paper clip necklace, a plant holder out of old pantyhose and a sit-upon (all the former Girl Scouts 'member those.) and clean pee out of your mattress (I know someone who could use this tip! He knows who he is.) As she says in the introduction; "Even though the word "entertainment" is commonly used today, to me it sounds charmingly old-fashioned, like courtship or back-alley abortion." I suggest you all check this book out, fucking brilliant!!! I have to go now, must make myself a "Fuck it" bucket. I am SURE to land a husband with these neat-o tips! Ps. not to go all Lesbian again, but the pics of her covered in whipped cream with multi-colored Jimmies stuck all over is HOT and strangely festive! I will have to try that out sometime very very soon!
Check out her appearance on Letterman promoting the book....

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Who's up for some New Year's fun boys? xoxox Betty

Back to the salt mines

I cannot believe I am back at work today. Got back late last night from my weekend in San Fran with San Fran. I had a wonderful time and didn't wanna come back. San Fran is oodles of fun and it was awesome pretending I had a boyfriend for a couple of days and having someone to kiss at midnight on New Years. He has it down too.....brushing the hair out of my eyes, the kiss on the forehead, putting his hand on the small of my back....the little tender things which I miss about being in a relationship. I am not sure where this will go as we do live 7 hours away from each other, but I will just roll with it and not over analyze (as I tend to do, OK, OBSESS is the better word. Nice to know that I could hop a plane and be a GF type in a little over an hour. Good to have that in my back pocket. On the plane on the way back, I met a Jew names Zvi. As you all know, I have mad shiksappeal and he was quickly drawn into my gentile web. He was charmed and although he is in a relationship, he said he had many male friends that would love to take me out. He already had one, Jacob, on the line by the time we got to baggage claim. He works fast! I know I am not the kind of girl you can set up, but I will roll with it and see what good ol' Zvi can pull out of his hat. I am not proud, desperate know the rest. My resolutions revolve around self improvement. I have been acting like a college student lately, too many late nights getting retarded with my posse. I intend to do all those things that I suspect are on many of your lists, quit smoking, work out, save the children.......I hope we can all realize our dreams in 2007!!