Baaaa means no...

I have had a lot happen this week, and I have been worked to death. I saw Freakishly Tall Guy for some sex candy. I am a bit worried, I think he may have baited and switched me with the condom.....I have my reasons but will protect you innocents from graphic details. Needless to say, I am flipped out and likely not going to see him again. What is somewhat flattering, Freakishly Tall Guy spent over an hour after I left searching for my blog. To no avail. Friday, went out with Duke, Boobs, Mellow to the Sagebrush. Worst band ever playing...and we got drunk. Mellow's wife has been out of town for a week and he was uncharacteristically dirty. I asked, "come on now, it has only been a week, how bad can it be?" And he replied, "There are some sheep that graze the hill behind my house. Let me just say, they have a worried look on their face." The quote of the evening was Duke's reply, "Mellow, I am going to get you a shirt that says, BAAAA means NO!" Saturday night I had a date with BBFF. I drove to Hunting Beach to meet him at Savannah's. It was a lovely restaurant on the beach. We had a delightful time, filet and pinot. After dinner, I guess I rated date package number 1. He mentioned he had a bottle of wine and blankets in his car and suggested we collect them and hit the beach. We arranged our stuff and talked forever, he was quite funny and seems smitten with me. I told him during the course of our conversation that what I knew about men could fill a thimble. He said it was quite a coincidence, as his manhood could actually fill a thimble. We kissed, and rolled around in the sand..just magical. He whispered in my ear, "I know what you are thinking now?" Yes? "thimble." He was witty and handsome and well..I may be smitten too. I have to say, BBFF is very intruiging to me. To use verbiage from my old sorority days, I may just suicide. Let's see if he feels the same.
AN ASIDE: Happy Father's Day! I called my daddy (yes ChiBird, I still call my dad daddy too) to wish him a Happy Father's Day!!!!! Evidentially, while sucking face with BBFF my phone decided to randomly call him, twice. Guess I left a nice couple of messages for my dad who still thinks I am a virgin. Sweet!

I'm Their Best New Straight

Before I went out tonight, I took one of those stupid Facebook quizzes, "How Well Do You Know Men?" A friend took it and scored 100%, thought it was rigged. I took it and got, wait for it...wait....0%. My score was "Pathetic" and I am doomed to "live a very lonely life." I posted on her page that it was accurate as what I know about men would fill a thimble. Perfect for my confidence going into a date. Firefly tonight. As y'all know I am anally on time to the point of ALWAYS being early to everything. So, I got to my date with the Silver Fox almost a half hour early. Waiting for a drink at the bar I was hovering over this chick and she turned around...thought she was going to shit herself. I surprised her. Ohhhh, sorry! I start talking with the chicks (Chatty Kathy, I am prone to talking to EVERYONE) and I met the Editor and ABC Chick. Lesbian couple, together for ten years. Do you know how you feel when you instantly make best friends? Magical, amazing, fucking hilarious women. I said I could be 100% lesbo if it weren't for the whole "downtown" issue. Editor said she hates it too....there are ways around it (color Kat intrigued.) I let them know what I was up to. Over the course of the half hour, they invited me to an event tomorrow. I am a fag hag woefully short on fags these days so they promised to hook me up. I didn't even realize how lacking my life was without lesbians until tonight. Silver Fox showed up and I wrote my number on a cocktail napkin and signed it, "Kat, your new best straight." So the date itself was ok. He is so short....as I walked away from the Lesbian Chick Posse I whispered, "the ocean called and they are all out of shrimp!" I just don't think I can go there. We drank, we ate, we left....he paid for everything including the valet. I could not wait to text those crazy bitches when I got home. They were watching and Auntie Mame movie. Editor and I quoted the exact same line at the exact same time! "Life is a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death!" So frickin' ironic as ChiBird was just saying this to me today. Tomorrow I am going to a gay bar where me and the Lesbian Posse will be the only three girls there. I mentioned I will pass as a tranny and Editor texted, "A tranny with a vaggy!!! You are my new bff, text me every five minutes!" ABC Chick texted with an apology a second later, "That was from Editor, I am not so crude. Her cell phone no...XXXX, she is crying at Auntie Mame." Here is to new beginnings....being a lesbian without going downtown? Who knew? Oh yeah, bringing Silver Fox tomorrow. He is NOT thrilled about going to a gay bar. (douche?)