If I don't remember, did it really happen??

Friday am after Thursday night happy hour. The all too familiar sensation of waking in a haze of nausea and pounding headache. Then the waves of memories of the previous evenings events adding to the sickening feeling......open eyes. HOLY SHIT! Male in my bed......Fearfully inspect closer. Phew! It is my friend, The Actor who just made sure I got home ok. (a quick mental inventory of the neither regions confirmed they were intact and had not recently done a tour of duty). Think I was drugged, again. My recollection of the previous evening goes blank at a certain point (when my drink slipped out of my hand at Firefly....glass and Kettel One EVERYWHERE. Little minions swept in to clean up my mess and END SCENE). Whatever happened next is anyone's guess...but from the fact I awake in my own bed, clothed and not recently violated with The Actor, I infer I didn't do anything that will go on my permanent record. Wouldn't that be nice to wake up every day with no recollection of previous events?? No pining away for lost loves. Wishing I had the abs I had a mere 5 years ago. Every time being the first time. I have thought this must be what it is like to have Down's Syndrome. When I go to the grocery store, I have one bagger I particularly like, Ron. He is retarded. He is ALWAYS happy. He ALWAYS has a clean joke. He ALWAYS has a nice thing to say. He is exceptionally upbeat on Hawaiian shirt days. On bad days, I have envied him. What a simple and uncomplicated life he has and he seems genuinely content with the hand he has been dealt. I wish I could say the same. The Jew used to say, it isn't the living that is hard, it is the learning (the only part of that relationship that is worth remembering.) As much knowledge as I gain from these fucked up experiences, I never seem to have what I need when faced with the next one. I am wise beyond my years. I am tired of learning. You know times are tough when you covet retardation.