Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Guy Girl

I love men. Why I am still single is a measure of how well I understand them, not like them. Tonight, I was walking to the grocery store and there were lots of old men (saw Ed McMahon on my flight last night.) Wow. Old guys are really old. It was creepy as there were about five of them all hobbling in my general direction using various apparatus like walkers and canes. I had a flash of the scene from The Hunger when all of Catherine Deneuve's lovers escaped from their coffins and attacked her. I skedaddled as fast as my youthful legs could manage. The beginning of this week I was on a business trip with much younger men. I much prefer the company of a group of men to women. I know that is not very feminist of me, but it is true. There is a lot less bullshit when you are with a group of men. None of the games you find when in a group of women. Lots of ribbing and joking. Nobodies feelings get hurt. I am a "guy girl" which allows me to hang with guys. Initially they are politically correct and a bit skiddish around me but once the guys realize I have a thick skin (and most importantly, a sense of humor) they usually treat me as one of them. I cannot tell you how many bachelor parties and strip clubs I have been to. This is probably why I don't do well in relationships as I know ALL of the tricks. My friends INVENTED the tricks as the Filthy and Gorgeous posse includes many accomplished players. Being the guy girl that I am, I also defy what men expect. I show no emotion. I never cry. I have been called the Ice Princess by more than one boyfriend. I do not respond to tantrums. (You would be surprised how many seemingly adult men throw tantrums.) I cannot be bothered with responding to childish responses, I have said calmly, "you are a big boy. Use your words and stop swearing, yelling and throwing things." It honestly makes them insane that I refuse to engage on this emotionally charged level. I had a boyfriend that crushed the remote control in a hissy fit and I very calmly picked up our Christmas gifts we had just finished exchanging, opened the third story window dropped them watching them land in a blanket of fresh snow. I said something to the effect of, "if you are going to break things, why don't you really make a statement and break things that matter." He never did anything like that again so mission accomplished. The women I do hang out with are all similarly wired. No mushy gush here. The occasional, "I love you maaaaann!" when we are drunk. It is weird as it seems that we are all attracted to the more girly men.....emotional, possessive, demonstrative. It annoys us but I suppose it is the yin yang thing, we need them to balance us out even though they make us crazy. Still, I do enjoy my nights out with the boys; drinking, making lewd jokes, eating meat, blowing each other shit.......

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