SFAR

Back from San Fran. Think I am going to clear the decks and start filling my pipeline from scratch after this weekend. I have found that dating an alcoholic is a double edged sword......it is fun when he is drinking and whispering all of the flowery boyfriendy type things in my ear; (IE. I am beautiful, he is lucky to be with me, he is going to marry me.) It is not so cool when he is dropping his pants in a club, hitting street signs and threatening to have the cab driver leave me at the curb in the rain in "anywhere" San Francisco. When sober, he gives me a blank stare (no emotion at all behind his glance.) We don't have much to talk about. He seriously could not get rid of me fast enough yesterday (had his door open and seat belt off before he had pulled up to the curb and stopped the car at the airport.) He is what the Doc would call SFAR (single for a reason.) This begs the question am I SFAR? I very well may be; I smoke, I like to party, I have a lot of hot male friends, I have two unruly dogs (that will punch any newcomer male in the junk), I knit. Nuff said. I think most of all the fact that I am smart and want a relationship makes me SFAR and scary to most men. SFAR sounds like a horrid medical affliction and sometimes it feels like it is. Is there a mask you can wear to defend yourself against this evil disease? (or better yet, in my case, a pill you can take to rid yourself of it.) This reminds me of the last time I was at my gyno and he asked me what I was doing for birth control. I told him it was unnecessary, yet he pressed on with "the talk" about being responsible reproductively until I was forced to lay it all on the line and say, "Dr. K, I find my personality is all the birth control I will ever need." He didn't laugh. Perhaps the mask I currently wear as the Dating Misanthrope is hindering my quest for a relationship. As Chelsea Handler says, "I just want a serious two, maybe three week relationship." Is that really too much to ask for? I have read all of the books and am no closer to having the answers on how to date than I had prior to reading them. Maybe I should go on a man fast until I decide which "me" I will share with the male outside world. I am tired of being the "cool guy girl" that just rolls with every shitty experience I have with men thus excusing their behavior and blatant disregard for any woman's feelings. More specifically, mine. It is not cool. It is not OK. I AM NOT AN ANIMAL!! I am a woman, an awesome woman that deserves an awesome man. What does that mask look like? Maybe I should look in my *magic* mirror to find it.